Monthly Archives: July 2014

Relationship Advice #7

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Rachel and Jake,

Last year I wrote to you about what I felt to be some pretty important relationship advice.  I plan to continue to do that each year on your father’s and my anniversary as a way to share with you some things that I have learned about what it takes and what it means to grow in love.  I am not an expert, just a Mama trying to share my thoughts on what can make a marriage work in today’s “what have you done for me, lately” world.  Maybe by the time you are older the world won’t be so “me focused.” …I hope that is the case!

So, without further adieu, here is your #7 relationship tip from your dear old Mom.

#7.) Remember Who you were made for.  

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

rachelandjakeIt’s hard to really articulate this piece of advice, because it’s something that needs to be more of a “belief” or a way of thinking rather than something I could just tell you so that you’d remember to apply it to your life.  Society today (and I’d imagine it would be even more so in the next coming years) tends to objectify both women and men.  Some people can look at women and men as an object or as something that should please them (ex. “She shouldn’t wear that type of bathing suit when she looks like that.”  or “Wow, I want to date him–he makes a lot of money!” ).

My advice to you–You are not an object or something to be used in order to please another person.  You are not disposable and should never be treated as such in a relationship.  You belong to God, and He loves you unconditionally just the way you are.  He knows your struggles and your strengths and will always be there for you when you need Him.

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This is similar to the way your relationship should be with your spouse.  When you get married, the vows you take bind you to your spouse for an eternity.  It is not just an earthly commitment that is a convenient tax break or until something better comes along.  When you say “I do” you are saying that you promise to love that person for an eternity.  Yes, you might have some cool looking “bling” on your finger because of it, but your rings are simply an outward symbol for the seal on your heart binding you to your spouse.  Although you are married, it is important that you both recognize that even though you love each other more than any other person on this earth, your greatest love is waiting for you in heaven.  Your spouse should be someone who recognizes that this life is not all there is in store for you.  You and your spouse should be  a team that works together so that you can both reach your highest potential while you are here on earth.  That sounds like a big job–and when looking at it as a whole picture, it can sound pretty overwhelming– so here are a few questions you can ask yourself to help see if your spouse is helping you reach your full potential.

1.) What is the big picture of our relationship? Where are we headed? Do we work together towards a common goal that we both feel called towards?  If not, what can we do to change that?

2.) Do we encourage each others thoughts, dreams and desires? Do we value the life path that our spouse has chosen?

3.) Are we communicating effectively to get our thoughts and feelings across in a respectful yet direct way?

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If you answer no to one or all of these questions, then one or both of you may end up feeling defeated or not valued in your relationship.  When one person is unhappy, it can change the dynamics of your relationship and your life.  Work hard to make each other happy in a way that lifts your partner up to be the best they can be.  Be careful that you do not objectify each other in a “what have you done for me lately” kind of way or think that the other person is there specifically to please you, you are worth more than that.  Remember–life is not just about you, it’s about Him!

rachel

When your dad and I were married (7 years ago today!) we both had common goals for where we wanted to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. We knew we wanted to be married for a few years before we had children and we hoped and prayed that we would be blessed as parents one day.  We knew we wanted to retire early and live out our golden years on the beautiful beaches of North Carolina.  Our beliefs are similar, our goals are similar and our overall outlook on life is similar.  I’m not saying it can’t be done without these things, I’m just saying that life will be smoother for you if these things align.

I love you both very much.  More than you could ever know.

Love always,

Mommy

xoxo

10 Month Old Jake

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10 Month Jake

Jake,

You are on the go, go, go these days! Full fledged crawling has led to a constant state of discovery for you.  Vacuum cords, outlets, trash cans, dusty corners…if it’s there, you need to see it and touch it and feel it and (in some cases much to Mommy’s chagrin) taste it! We have done more household “baby proofing” since you started moving than we ever did with your sister.  Thank goodness for outlet covers!! You pull yourself up on anything and everything you can.  You examine any and all items or objects that you find fascinating.  Everything goes into your mouth after what seems like a lengthy and thorough examination by you.  I wish I could know what you are thinking when you look so intently and touch so carefully something new to you.  You are 100% determined to see all that this world has to offer!

10 Month Jake

This month brought along with it some super sweet moments.  Your first word (and I’m super proud of this) “Mama.” At first I thought maybe I was just hearing things or that it was more like wishful thinking, but when our friends and family started to notice it too, I knew I wasn’t just being totally smitten and delusional about your intelligence. 🙂  Shortly after “Mama” was said, you added “buh buh” (bye bye) to your sweet little wave.  I have loved watching your little personality develop even more this month.

10 Month Jake

You love to crawl.  You hate to be contained–gone are the days of being in your jumper for any extended length of time.  You really love to walk when people hold your hands to help you and you are loving all of your new table foods.  You are starting to prefer food over bottles and are slowly weaning yourself from your afternoon feeding.  When you want more food you bang on your high chair tray and squeal.  You obviously have certain forms of communication down pat. 🙂

10 Month Jake

Rachel is still your favorite person in the world and anytime she comes into the room you turn and smile at her like you’ve just received the best surprise of your life.  You have been known to pull her hair in order to get her to come down close to you so you can give her a smooch or a snuggle.  The best part is, she doesn’t even seem to mind.  She tells you that you’re “so cute” and “so soft.”  Who could disagree? Especially with the sweetest little babe giving big open mouth slobbery kisses any chance he gets? Heart. Breaker.

10 Month Jake

Naps are predictable now, your sleep at night is going awesome too.  THANK YOU for giving us back the gift of sleep! It only took 10 months for me to feel comfortable saying that, but you know what little buddy, I wouldn’t change any of the sleepless nights with you for the world.

10 Month Jake

 

A new tooth popped through this month! We said hello to your top tooth with a low grade fever and lots of snuggle time during the day.  The top tooth wasn’t very nice to you, but you handled it like a trooper and I enjoyed the extra cuddles in between giving doses of Tylenol to help ease your pain.  I love you so much, little guy!

10 Month Jake

Happy 10 months, sweet babe!

I love you to the moon and back.

Love always,

Mommy